I leafed through the latest advertising booklet while enjoying my corn flakes and milk, working my way through various Hebrew Ads. Ah! Here is an English one…Neshei meeting…Role of Jewish woman…with a video called ‘Even haPina’ - the cornerstone… that actually sounds pretty interesting. I’ll see if I can get out.
As I entered the meeting room, the speaker was just beginning. I came to the conclusion long ago, that if I take notes during a lecture, I will get more out of it. It also makes it a lot easier to share with others! The Rebbitzen began…
Alternate beginning, if that one is too shmoozy for you:
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Every once in awhile we attend a shiur that makes a deep impression on us. We experience a ‘paradigm shift’, a new way of understanding our position and purpose in life. This happened to me when I went to hear a local Rebbetizen speak on the topic of the role of a Jewish homemaker. The speaker combined wit and wisdom in an impressive fashion. May I share the meeting with you, dear reader? The Rebbetizen began…
When I was asked to speak on this topic, I gave it a lot of thought. I even consulted with friends! What exactly is the role of a Jewish Woman? I came up with three main functions: Firstly, to encourage my husband to learn Torah; to shteig in his learning. In that role, to avoid interrupting him, and to encourage him whenever possible – to appreciate its its’importance.
Second, to run a Jewish home. To create an atmosphere of love of Yiddishkeit for my family and for whoever walks into my house. To be warm, show love, and realize that life for a frum family is always interesting, exciting, a and a challenge. Never a dull moment! Even the chulent provides excitement, as we lift the lid to see how it came out this week. Watery – I love it. Dry? My husband’s favorite! Spicy? Salty? It’s just one little detail, but we are full of curiosity and we can share the excitement. We need to enjoy the challenge and novelty of each day!
Lastly, and most importantly, it is being Zoche to be a mother. To fulfill my role as educator. To raise children that will give nachas to Hashem and to my husband and me. It is quite an arduous task. We have to be very cognizant of the fact that our children will follow our example. What are we strict about? Appreciating the good, davening, guarding our tongue. If our children see us get upset over a broken dish or torn curtain, but say never mind if they skip a bracha, they will see that focus. How do we welcome guests? Are we concerned about the problems of our friends and neighbors? They will duplicate whatever they see.
Davening is very important. When my children were very small, it wasn’t always very easy to get everything done. One day my husband came home and lunch was not even started. I apologized – distraught – told him, ‘I couldn’t manage a thing this morning - but to daven!’ He replied, ‘Then you’ve done a lot!’ Usually I davened when my children were in school – then, one day one of them was home; and I davened as usual. Asked my child, ‘Is it Shabbos today?’ I realized that they need to see me davening, and they need to learn to play quietly while I do and not disturb. The children see it all! And they need to.
This week’s Parsha is Korach, where the wisdom of women is brought out. Now how did a righteous individual like that think he had a chance? Korach had a lot of things going for him. He was incredibly wealthy, had a top-notch lineage, and was brilliant. The problem was that he was never exposed to challenge. He was clueless when it came to dealing with adversity. We need to make sure our children do not fall into the same trap! We need to teach our children how to overcome difficulties. Korach never had a chance to be jealous and deal with it.
Jealousy is truly the root of evil – one of our jobs is to teach our children to deal with it, and overcome envious feelings. We need to educate them to the fact that here is no such thing as equality. Hashem has given each person their tafkid, their distinctive role, and the tools they need to complete it. It is unique. We never compare. Train your children to know that they will each get private time with you, and attention, as they need it. No one is taking something away from another. If we know, and teach our children that whatever we need we will get, then there is no getting mad. Keep your eyes open! It may come from another source, but they will get theirs.
We need to supervise our children well. I was recently away for Shabbos, and in the afternoon, sat on the porch observing all the people passing by. Suddenly a very interesting drama opened up before my eyes. Two mothers stood talking, while their three or four year olds sat in their strollers. After a minute or two, the little girl got up, looked all about her very carefully, and dashed into the beautiful flower garden. Swiftly, before I quite realized what had happened, she was back in her stroller with a beautiful bloom! The mothers continued their conversation, totally oblivious to the fact that this little girl had been mechallel Shabbos and performed gezel. The other child, a little boy saw what his little comrade had accomplished, and climbed out of his stroller, heading off to get his souvenir. This time I was prepared. “Boy! Boy!’ I called out. He looked here and there, couldn’t figure out who had spoken, but quickly scampered back to his stroller. Soon after , the mothers finished their conversation and parted ways. They had no idea that anything had transpired; hadn’t seen the children temporarily escape, heard my voice or noticed the flower. This is negligence. This is how children can chas v’shalom pick up bad traits, and grow in them. Then the mother will ask, ‘how did this happen?’ We must pay attention and nip such behavior in the bud, (literally, in this case!)
The Rebbetzin’s words were inspiring, entertaining, thought provoking.
As the Rebbetzin completed her words, we were treated to a video. An amazing production, put together by a Bais Yaakov class in another city (Rechovot, I think – I can check if you like), we were told. It began with slides of the Ponevitcher Rav and the Yeshiva that he established. A young girl narrated, as we saw a packed Yeshiva, men shteiging in learning, a building being planned, the Rav himself, and we were asked –from where came the cornerstone?
The answer – t he Rav’s mother. The mother of the Ponevitcher Rav taught him that nothing could stop Torah learning. How? He grew up in Eastern Europe , where the winters began early, ended late, and were freezing. The family had only one pair of boots! Which boy would get to learn in Cheder on snowy days? All of them. This amazing mother, this ‘even hapina’ woman, took each child to Yeshiva, one at a time. Upon their arrival, she removed the boots from her son and hurried home to get the next one. When it was time to come home, she went through this again. Not one day, but many days. Not one winter, but many winters. The video ended with a challenge to all mothers: Who knows who is the next cornerstone? Which of us will be zochim to sons who will shteig in Torah learning and lead many students?
It could be any of us – her, you, or even…me.
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