By: Yocheved Golani
It’s a mitzva to be b’sever panim yafot. The pleasant expression puts people looking at us at ease. It can help that person peering back at you from the mirror, too. Find out how to smile even with an emotional, medical or disability crisis as you read below. The information is taken from a book that medical and mental health professionals recommend.
Rav Hutner z”l opposed the trend of then newly institutionalized goody-goody published biographies about gedolim. Why? They told similar stories of perfect men, though those very gedolim had struggled with serious issues before reaching greatness. The publications Rav Hutner decried had neatly removed those struggles as “unfit” for kosher readers. He was not alone in his thinking. Even Rav Moshe Feinstein remarked that today’s yeshivot do not produce gedolim because “You don’t make tzadikim with Coca Cola and doughnuts.” It’s the struggle that builds character, molding minds with resolve.
Okay, on to our lives and how we can become saintly despite our struggles. We confront daily dilemmas with so many issues. My specialty is in dealing with medical problems. I’ve had a benign brain tumor that almost killed me by crushing all the nerves between my head and spine. Life-saving surgery and the tumor it removed left me blind. The miraculous story of how I’m gradually recovering my sight is in my highly acclaimed book. So is the solution to a crippling problem that, years later, almost necessitated the amputation of my dominant arm.
In my speaking engagements and writings, I teach people how to use humor and fun to cope with hardships. Imagery is helpful. Imagine being a Weeble Wobble, the toy that bobbles about but never falls down. That technique lets you rise from adversities as if an internal mechanism sets you upright, too. If you’re enduring cruel critics such as nosy neighbors, nasty co-workers or a relative, it’s a fun technique that drives your adversaries crazy. You get the fun of revenge without committing an aveira. Actually, you’re fulfilling the mitzva of “V’nishmartem et nafshotekhem.” Rise to take on your day, foster some successes and see what pleasant surprises await you.
Years after my brain surgery, I fell from a bridge as the pedestrian surface broke beneath my feet. A crushed elbow was the painful result. Miraculous surgery saved the affected arm and hand. But physical therapy brought on a whole new threat: CRPS/RSD! The letters stand for Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. They describe the slow, painful death of nerve, muscles and bone in a fracture area traumatized beyond human endurance. My hand was literally curling up smaller and smaller, disappearing before my eyes and those of my medical team. No medical expert in the world knows how to stop the problem that can spread to the entire body. Some people are blessed with a spontaneous recovery nobody can explain. Others become deformed cripples in off-the-charts pain from head to toe. So, I needed to create a solution that worked the first time I tried it. And I desperately need a good laugh. I resolved to wear a Boo-Boo Barbie costume for Purim. The holiday was only weeks away. I planned to giggle until then, while creating the costume I’d wear. As you see in the photo, I donned a blonde wig, an outfit any Barbie would be pleased to wear day or night and colorful bandages for decoration. The outfit provoked laughter all over the bet kneset as I walked in with my head held high, a huge grin across my face but no sling for that aching arm. The rav laughed and praised my approach to suffering. Days later I screamed “HODU l’HASHEM!” when my doctors examined me and pronounced me 100% cured! Yes, I had literally laughed off the destruction of my body. Not a trace of the CRPS/RSD showed at the formerly affected area.
How do you or I get to behave this way? Answer: by choosing our actions carefully. Refuse to lose. Go from tragic to magic as you Face Your Problems with Dignity and Face Your Future with Optimism.
We never know if our efforts will result in the successes we seek. But we can face stress with decency and optimism. Think of babies learning to walk. They fall down a lot, but never give up. They simply try again and again until they’re cruising couches, then letting go to stumble into life. I have stumbled through blindness, not knowing if I’d see again despite extraordinary efforts to do so. B’H I can, with glasses. The process has not been pleasant but I had nothing to lose by making efforts to heal and to behave as a cultured woman. Everyone around me appreciates the fact that I don’t complain. I simply go forward somehow. You can, too.
We’ve gone from what makes good reading and tzadikim to coping with illness and its complications. Find out why Dr. Judith Guedalia MD PhD, Rabbi Dr. A. Twerski, and Dr. Michael Eisenberg MD recommend that you read E-book or paperback "It's MY Crisis! And I'll Cry If I Need To: EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge"http://booklocker.com/books/3067.html
The book holds humor, can-do stress-busting exercises and information for lowering your medical costs all around the world. People with disabilities can find helpful information in the book, including how to find employment and how to travel with the accommodations you need. Much of that information is part of my personal healing and coping story. Want to stock the book in stores? Bulk orders can be made at https://secure.booklocker.com/booklocker/wholesale/order.php
Yocheved Golani is the author of highly acclaimed It's MY Crisis! And I'll Cry If I Need To: EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge. It addresses and solves many needs of disabled, ill and recovering readers.
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